Admitting to your illness: the cane

When I am online, I admire all the people who are so self-confident in their own illness. I know I don’t have to mirror myself to others, but I like to become one of those girls that is not ashamed of the weight she gained through her medication use, or the one who proudly admits its okay to just be. Those are my standards, but I’m afraid I don’t always live by them.

I live in a household that has had its ups and downs, but to show my fragile self and the state I am in is something I barely give to people. I’m afraid I might come off as an annoying, whining, lazy shit who thinks the world revolves around her for being in pain. I want to show I don’t need to be saved or need help and I’m independent despite the illness.

But here is the truth: I do need help. I’m not always as independent as I want to be. Realising it is okay to ask for help, to aid yourself, is hard for me. It’s often the ‘what if I look like a stupid kid that won’t grow up?’ question that holds me back from those things. Apart from my loved ones, I never give in.

So when my fibro got worse during the cold weather, I noticed even small errands or walks weren’t going as smooth as they should be. My hip started locking into place during walking and my legs got longer and more painful spasms. Before all of this, walking was only tiring, but never really painful. The pain remained in my upper body, around my shoulders,neck and back. But with this additional trouble going on, I knew I needed help.


This is where the cane comes in. After a few days I figured out that it wasn’t going to help if I only rubbed myself in with muscle relaxer and by staying put. No, I was afraid I needed a little assistance. Reading about other fibro patients who are using canes and wheelchairs at a young age gave me more confidence to buy one myself. But this is the tricky part: When you are using a visible instrument, people are going to ask questions. They will stare, they will talk about you. Being the paranoid bitch I already am, I already had 10 doom scenarios in my head. As long as you are walking and acting like any other human, you’re fine. But as soon as you are visible impaired, people look when you walk by.

So what made me change my mind? the necessity. If I have the bad day I am so afraid of, let it come. Now that I am using one (pictured above) I do notice the difference. Before, I had to hold on to everything near me. Whether that’ll be people or furniture. Hell, I’d even hold on to your cat for support. I now have my own little support-line, and I’m fine with it. 

Plus: I went ahead and decorated the whole thing with stickers and glitters. At least they’ll know I’m a fancy impaired bitch.

The Holy Trinity of migraine relief 

3 remedies that might help your migraines to stop

Last weekend I spend entirely at my boyfriend’s place. I needed the distraction, after a whole week of feeling unwell, having migraine flares for days and being sick. I finally bought the Nintendo Switch, which I was thinking about buying for a long time. It’s an ideal combination console, so I can play on the TV and switch to handheld whenever I get too tired of sitting straight up. Because, yes – this happens often to me. Needless to say I am pleased with my purchase and had a blast so far with the thing.

But the weekend turned out to be one where I was able to catch up all the sleep I lost during my week, ‘cause my migraines were so bad even sleeping wasn’t an option. Even 12 hours of sleep weren’t enough, as I passed out right after breakfast. I was exhausted. So now two days of sleeping later end up with me being awake at 4 in the morning, while writing this. Not the brightest idea, eh?

But it got me thinking. What relieved me from my migraines? Even just a little. Since doctors never found the source of my headaches, I’m still guessing what exactly causes all the pain. During the last 3 years I tried almost anything. But during long lasting periods of migraines, I got my hands on a few things that are helping me a little, so sharing those might help you as well.

As announced, the Holy Trinity:

  • Icepack/wet towels

This is one of those remedies that are simple, but can be super effective. When I’m burning up in my bed and sweating for days, I get myself a towel and make it moist. So whenever a flare is coming up, I can cool myself down. I usually press them onto my temples and apply firm pressure. You can use an icepack as well, but just make sure your head/ muscles don’t go into an actual brain freeze.

  • Essential oils

Whether it’s for my aching shoulders or for my luring headaches, I have essential oils for everything. My favorite kinds are the rollers from Puressentiel, which combine multiple kinds of oils (like lavender and peppermint) for optimal relief. When I’m experiencing a fibro and-or migraine flare, I just rub some on and have a rest- so they can do their work.

  • Prescribed medication

Of course these are all wonderful alternatives, but when it comes down to the most horrible pains, a girl’s gotta have her emergency kit; mine mostly contains out of painkillers called Dafalgan Codeine. Now, I really DON’T want to advertise meds. They should only be taken when needed. Dafalgan Codeine is a paracetamol based pill with codeine, a strongly addictive painkiller used only for post-surgery. But as told, no doctor can find a cure for my migraines, and so of this moment this is the only prescribed medication that eases my pain.


If you think about getting medication for your health, please speak to a doctor or specialist who can help you along the way.





Check-ups, little embroidery and bujo’ing

It’s no fun when you have to convince people you’re actually sick and not a phony, especially when we chronically ill have little physical proof of it. Yesterday was my check up with the Federal government, where they would check if I am ‘sick enough’ to stay home and receive an income. Its the second time, since the previous one only contained a check for my migraine. I was in the middle of my fibromyalgia diagnosis, so it got no chance of being approved as a legal reason. I only hope that this time, I’ll get a pass. Money is no big deal to me, but I have no income whatsoever. If my doctors tell me I have the right to it, I know I deserve it.

But enough about boring money stuff, I got back on embroidery. As a break from the big table-cloth, I bought a square meter of blank fabric to draw patterns on. With some new stitching techniques I started on a new piece.

Its fun to get a break from a long-term project, so doing this went really fast and really well. Its mainly to try out the new fabric and threads, while doing something more creative.

It turned out pretty nice for a first go! I’d give myself a nice 7.

I wanted to go buy a book with all kinds of stitches in, but our local bookstore apparently is so hipster it only sells knitting books. So while I was at the store, I threw some money in the air and bought a bullet journal guide, together with brush pens and calligraphy pens. The guide has some really cool designs for monthly spreads, tracking ideas and creative lettering. More on my bullet journal is coming up in a later post!


Thats all for now. Enjoy the weekend!

xoxo, Shayenne